Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
