Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
