every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
