you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
did i just pee glitter
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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