dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
