12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
