You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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