what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
