He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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