Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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