so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
