He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
