I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
