So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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