hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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