I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
