Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
