There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
