I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
