In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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