The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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