He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
