I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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