Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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