420 ftw
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
