He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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