Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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