Kiss
Puke
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
