Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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