so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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