Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
