After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And then he peed in my hair
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