But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
