ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
