Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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