Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
