Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
