Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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