"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
