I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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