i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
