My first STD was from a foam party
this beer tastes like vomit already
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
