I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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