Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
