please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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