if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
