it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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