My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
