I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
