If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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